Return of the Blog
One year ago today, I was lying on a hospital cot with an IV in my right hand and veins full of morphine (which did absolutely no good, by the way). One year ago today, I was awake because the nurse had left one fluorescent light on and it was just enough to keep my eyelids propped open. One year ago today, I was supposed to be resting and saving my energy for what was going to happen to me at 9 a.m. that morning. One year ago today, I was a day away from becoming a mom.
I can't believe it's been a year since this beautiful boy entered the world.
And what have I been doing all this time? We had an uneventful summer, and the school year started. I have an awesome bunch of kids this year; I love teaching them. And right now, it's 5:18 in the morning. I have been up since 3 a.m., trying to finish all the crap that never seems to go away (I swear, I just washed a roasting pan that's been sitting on the counter since Thanksgiving). I'm up this early because my life is too full, and though the vast majority of it is full in a good way, I realized at 3 a.m. that no one's going to make time for me to take care of myself.
Except me.
It's not good to feel guilty when you take just a couple of minutes to shave your legs, even though you should be doing the dishes, changing the cat litter, or maybe playing with your little one while he's still young enough to want you as a playmate. And yes, Scholar is doing his share, but even with his help, it's a Herculean task. I want to lose this weight; I want to take care of my smile; I want to write. No one can do this stuff for me.
I was wide awake at 3 a.m., contemplating the fact that in just a few days, I will celebrate a not-so-happy anniversary. The one-year-ago today when I was scared I was dying, and two blood transfusions brought me a new energy that I vowed I would use to my best advantage. It's been a year, and everything has changed, and nothing has changed. My life is wonderful; I'm not going to bitch about that. I've never been happier. When I compare where I am now to where I was five years ago, with a miscarriage and a soldier in Iraq and an impending layoff and financial ruin...I'm so damn grateful I could cry. Everything changed when I started saying "Good things are happening." Good things did happen, so fast they made my head spin. But I am STILL not fulfilling my biggest dreams.
Good things are still happening, but I'm changing my mantra. I am taking good care of myself. Because if I don't take care of me, who's going to take care of everyone else?
I can't believe it's been a year since this beautiful boy entered the world.
And what have I been doing all this time? We had an uneventful summer, and the school year started. I have an awesome bunch of kids this year; I love teaching them. And right now, it's 5:18 in the morning. I have been up since 3 a.m., trying to finish all the crap that never seems to go away (I swear, I just washed a roasting pan that's been sitting on the counter since Thanksgiving). I'm up this early because my life is too full, and though the vast majority of it is full in a good way, I realized at 3 a.m. that no one's going to make time for me to take care of myself.
Except me.
It's not good to feel guilty when you take just a couple of minutes to shave your legs, even though you should be doing the dishes, changing the cat litter, or maybe playing with your little one while he's still young enough to want you as a playmate. And yes, Scholar is doing his share, but even with his help, it's a Herculean task. I want to lose this weight; I want to take care of my smile; I want to write. No one can do this stuff for me.
I was wide awake at 3 a.m., contemplating the fact that in just a few days, I will celebrate a not-so-happy anniversary. The one-year-ago today when I was scared I was dying, and two blood transfusions brought me a new energy that I vowed I would use to my best advantage. It's been a year, and everything has changed, and nothing has changed. My life is wonderful; I'm not going to bitch about that. I've never been happier. When I compare where I am now to where I was five years ago, with a miscarriage and a soldier in Iraq and an impending layoff and financial ruin...I'm so damn grateful I could cry. Everything changed when I started saying "Good things are happening." Good things did happen, so fast they made my head spin. But I am STILL not fulfilling my biggest dreams.
Good things are still happening, but I'm changing my mantra. I am taking good care of myself. Because if I don't take care of me, who's going to take care of everyone else?
posted by Tierant at Wednesday, December 05, 2007
1 comments
