Grumpy Trants

Trants is grumpy today. I'm feeling a sort of rough irritation in the back of my brain, as though my spine was a blackboard and God was scratching His nails up and down it. You know how cats and dogs raise their hackles when they feel threatened? How that low, rumbling, satisfying rrrrrr sounds in the back of their throats? That's me today. rrrrrrrrrrrr.

I don't know what's got me so riled. Could be that the dog slept with me last night, and woke me up to go out while I was right in the middle of a dream. I was singing songs from "Annie" in Eastview Mall, and there was a crowd watching me. I woke up during the stirring finale, where our acting troupe was lighting firecrackers and sparklers and singing, "That Fourth of July kid!" So it could be that my raised hackles actually stem from the frustration of not being allowed to finish my showstopper. Am I that much of a diva that an unrequited dream could ruin my day? Naw, don't answer that. It was a rhetorical question.

Or it could be the episode that followed after, in which I took both dogs outside for their morning constitutional and was met with Invasion. Two other dogs were usurping territory. Granted, that territory was on the other side of the road, which neither I nor my family actually own, but dogs do not have the same boundaries as people. To our dogs, these strangers were threatening the homestead. Lucky for me, every dog was leashed, and so it was just a lot of growling and glowering, rather than outright biting and bleeding. I held them back with my superstrength, and this while not wearing a bra beneath my nightshirt. Holding back two dogs and flopping while doing so might put even Ghandi in a bad mood. But did he have DDD breasts?

Or, finally, it could be the scene where my mother flexed her managerial muscles and actually CRITICIZED my sales skills. What, you say? She dared? Yes, she did. I handled it well, though. I cried. Yep, I've got a thick, tough skin.

So perhaps it is all these incidents combined that puts me in a toxic mood. I've been up for exactly 33 minutes, and damn if I don't want to go right back to bed.

RRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrr.