Snow Go

It seems to have stopped.

Right now the world seems soft and still. Hushed. The snow has stopped, the sun is out, and the air is refreshingly crisp. Since I have to be out in this all morning, I'd prefer less refreshment, but I'll deal. What's important is that the horses were blanketed, victualed and watered last night. I felt good about leaving them to face the elements. You see, half of them stay in stalls indoors, but the other half are pasture boarders, which means they are outside all the time. It's not as cruel as it sounds, until you get weather like this. Horses are hardier than humans, but they are prey animals, meant to expire when nature is red in tooth and claw. Or white in snow and ice. I was worried, but with some help from experienced horse people, we got them fed and into bed.

So today I trudge out to do it all again. Tonight I play SuperEducator, with a presentation to some randy college students about sexual responsibility. And then tomorrow...tomorrow...

I'll be a graduate student.

I am so excited for this. I had convinced myself that I would never get into graduate school, and then I did. Now all my books are purchased; I have shiny new pens and a rainbow of notebooks (only one of which I shanghaied for story purposes). I am ripe with highlighters. I am Ready.

I have expressed to my parents that I am doubtful of my capabilities to do well in school, but that is a little bit of a lie. I'm nervous, true, but I feel certain that I can handle the work. What I'm worried about is whether I'll want to. I have a little problem with motivation, and I tend to not to do things I don't like. Some people might call me "spoiled" or "lazy." I prefer "willfull," or maybe "energy-challenged." If I'm inspired, I will devote hours upon hours to the work. If I'm bored, I will procrastinate, then reap the dubious rewards of blowing things off. At least, that's been my modus operandi in the past.

Not. This. Time.

I can't afford the luxury. This is my Big Chance to right some wrong decisions. I want to gain myself a career that gives me an adequate salary, good benefits, excellent vacations and the freedom to write. A career counselor long ago warned me against teaching. "You'll spend all your time grading papers," he said. "You want a job where you're done by 5 and you don't have to think about it anymore." So I listened, and I waited for some great job to fall out of the sky right into my lap. I took some awful day jobs, and I didn't write much of anything. And we fell deeper and deeper into debt.

Then I realized something about day jobs. They need to actually give you enough money to pay the bills, and you should sort of like them enough that working while chasing your real job doesn't feel like punishment. This new direction is a sure and certain path, because even if I never write another word (doubtful), I will still love my day job. I love teaching.

In one year, Scholar and I will have doubled our earning power. We will continue to pursue our dreams, but we'll have a more stable track on which to run. This is a good decision. A hope-filled one.

I just have to remember that when I'm slogging through the snow.