Good-bye, '05
Dear Old Year,
Well, it's almost time, isn't it? Time for a farewell kiss and a parting embrace. You were an excellent year, and I'm sorry to see you go. I know it's not good to hold onto the past. You are leaving to make way for the new, and this is as it should be. Still, on our last day together, I want to remember. I want to think about all the rich changes you've worked into my life. I want to thank you. I am truly grateful. I mean, think about how much we have been through together!
Remember our first meeting? I was sick as a dog, a sniffling misery. Not a promising start to a new year, but once you settled in, you definitely got things rolling. You made me a graduate student, and you helped me discover that I am capable of dizzying intellectual pursuits. I wrote a paper that earned me accolades on Scholar's Day. You proved to me that I can withstand the rigors of teaching. You showed me that my creativity is a rare treasure. You let me see that not everyone has what I have, and the knowledge is humbling (no, really! It is!).
You gently suggested that I worry too much about meaningless trivia. When I didn't get the message, you hit me over the head with it -- several times, very hard. You had an ugly side. You were war, hurricanes, and violence. And you took Rider away... again. There were several moments when I really hated you.
No, 2005, our relationship has not been all roses, has it? You were cruel. So much of your cruelty wasn't visited upon me, but upon people I loved. A cousin lost her mother. A friend lost her boyfriend, two cousins, and her grandfather within a few months. And Hurricane Katrina cost so, so much. These were not direct hits on me, but they hurt. I discovered that I whine and worry about things that don't matter. You gave me valuable knowledge about perspective, but the price was awfully high.
You forced the most challenging semester upon me, and even though I stumbled at the end, I didn't fall. You embarrassed me, and I learned more about myself through that experience than in a whole year of therapy. You delivered an indelible lesson about showing off, and I really got the message -- probably for the first time. You taught me that I can learn from others: I don't always have to be the teacher or the counselor. It was humiliating; it made me feel terrible. It was worth it.
But what you really showed me -- more than anything -- is that there are people who love me. In spite of all my failings, I have managed to surround myself with family and friends who support and sustain me. I don't always treat them the way I should: I take them for granted far too often. You reminded me how precious they are, and how much of myself I owe to them.
Yes, 2005, you were a powerful year of learning and changing. You hummed through me, and exploded over me, and carried me to new places. You were tragedy and loss. You were introspection and insight. You made me feel proud of myself, and ashamed of myself, and -- wonder of wonders -- at peace with myself. I feel sad that you have to go just when we were getting comfortable with one another. Still, you are leaving a different Trants than the girl whom you met a year ago. Because of you, I am stronger and more capable than before. Because of you, I have deep faith in my dreams. Because of you, I recognize the places where I need to grow, and I'm not scared to venture into them. I don't know how many other people get this kind of year. Maybe you're an anomaly.
No, I don't believe that. In my heart, I know that you were only the beginning, a promise of things to come. 2006 will bring new challenges and changes, and after that, who knows? But as we say goodbye, you must know how thankful I am to have had you -- just for a year. A very good year.
Love,
Trants
Well, it's almost time, isn't it? Time for a farewell kiss and a parting embrace. You were an excellent year, and I'm sorry to see you go. I know it's not good to hold onto the past. You are leaving to make way for the new, and this is as it should be. Still, on our last day together, I want to remember. I want to think about all the rich changes you've worked into my life. I want to thank you. I am truly grateful. I mean, think about how much we have been through together!
Remember our first meeting? I was sick as a dog, a sniffling misery. Not a promising start to a new year, but once you settled in, you definitely got things rolling. You made me a graduate student, and you helped me discover that I am capable of dizzying intellectual pursuits. I wrote a paper that earned me accolades on Scholar's Day. You proved to me that I can withstand the rigors of teaching. You showed me that my creativity is a rare treasure. You let me see that not everyone has what I have, and the knowledge is humbling (no, really! It is!).
You gently suggested that I worry too much about meaningless trivia. When I didn't get the message, you hit me over the head with it -- several times, very hard. You had an ugly side. You were war, hurricanes, and violence. And you took Rider away... again. There were several moments when I really hated you.
No, 2005, our relationship has not been all roses, has it? You were cruel. So much of your cruelty wasn't visited upon me, but upon people I loved. A cousin lost her mother. A friend lost her boyfriend, two cousins, and her grandfather within a few months. And Hurricane Katrina cost so, so much. These were not direct hits on me, but they hurt. I discovered that I whine and worry about things that don't matter. You gave me valuable knowledge about perspective, but the price was awfully high.
You forced the most challenging semester upon me, and even though I stumbled at the end, I didn't fall. You embarrassed me, and I learned more about myself through that experience than in a whole year of therapy. You delivered an indelible lesson about showing off, and I really got the message -- probably for the first time. You taught me that I can learn from others: I don't always have to be the teacher or the counselor. It was humiliating; it made me feel terrible. It was worth it.
But what you really showed me -- more than anything -- is that there are people who love me. In spite of all my failings, I have managed to surround myself with family and friends who support and sustain me. I don't always treat them the way I should: I take them for granted far too often. You reminded me how precious they are, and how much of myself I owe to them.
Yes, 2005, you were a powerful year of learning and changing. You hummed through me, and exploded over me, and carried me to new places. You were tragedy and loss. You were introspection and insight. You made me feel proud of myself, and ashamed of myself, and -- wonder of wonders -- at peace with myself. I feel sad that you have to go just when we were getting comfortable with one another. Still, you are leaving a different Trants than the girl whom you met a year ago. Because of you, I am stronger and more capable than before. Because of you, I have deep faith in my dreams. Because of you, I recognize the places where I need to grow, and I'm not scared to venture into them. I don't know how many other people get this kind of year. Maybe you're an anomaly.
No, I don't believe that. In my heart, I know that you were only the beginning, a promise of things to come. 2006 will bring new challenges and changes, and after that, who knows? But as we say goodbye, you must know how thankful I am to have had you -- just for a year. A very good year.
Love,
Trants
posted by Tierant at Saturday, December 31, 2005
4 Comments:
2006 is going to be a very good year, Trants. I can just tell. A year for dreams, a year for challenges. A year for stars.
'Bout time, too.
That's right, Rider. We're gonna kick a little -- no, a lot -- when you get home.
God I hate it when you write so much better than me.
Apparently, 2006 is going to be the year of blatant envy. Or pork chops. Definitely one of those two, at least for the ellenburg Center intelligensia.
I love it! I hereby declare 2006 The Year of the Pork Chop! Is Al Stewart still alive? Could he write a song about this one, too? He did so well with the Year of the Cat...
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